Home. The longing struck again last week as I lay on my bed staring at our huge wardrobe. I wondered how we would move it again and I answered simultaneously – the same way we did the last time. Our 3 year contract ends in 9 months and our landlord will move in and enjoy all the improvements we’ve made. In 9 months we will be living somewhere else…again.
As much as I like to cling to the mantra that “home is where we lay our heads” my heart often does not subscribe. Sometimes I am at peace to live on such an impossibly high plain of existence, such rest in the present and hope for the future. Usually after a hard fought hissy fit, I finally discover…again…that nowhere else satisfies.
On the road to that place I struggle. I want permanence! I want to know my head will be inside these 4 walls 5 years from now! I want to mark the door with the children’s heights because I’ll know we’ll be there until they stop growing! I want!
I think I want that. My friends that have “settled down” remind me that they still feel the longings to be overseas. Moments of clarity and perspective reveal that no one really knows these things. How many fires, floods, job losses, medical catastrophes, deaths, and divorces do I have to witness to learn? We make our plans, God guides our steps. So, my heart will long for home until I’m home?
So, in 9 months we move. In 8 months we roll up the nicely painted growth chart posters and pack our boxes. In 6 months we start looking for the impossible (we like to ask for the impossible). In the meantime I pray, shut my mouth, and set my heart to relish the memories we still have time to make between these 4 walls…and to decide the colors of my next 4 walls.