I finished a day before my sabbatical officially ended. As I read through the accounts of Jesus’ life, the historical spread of this good news, then the letters to the churches and finally the last revelation to the church…I struggled to identify what I was feeling. I’ll try to put it together but it will not be linear or logical but maybe I’ll discover more through processing it all.

The letters to the churches left me with something approaching the same kind of confusion I imagine the followers of Christ felt as they stumbled into this new epoch of history. Jesus came, God lived among His creation for a time in bodily form and then accomplished the act that created a way back. Back to God, back from sin and rebellion, back from death…and then Jesus went back to God and left them here on earth.

That’s the plan?

I mean the accounts of Jesus’ life are startlingly full of the followers of Christ just not getting it. Arguing about their own greatness and who was the best. Seeing profound miracles like feeding the 5k and then asking the next day where are we gonna get bread Jesus? I can relate. I hope we can all relate with their humanity.

But reading on in Acts this ragtag group of very human followers is enflamed by the Holy Spirit, God’s Spirit, to continue on the mission of proclaiming the good news to the world. Acts is an exciting, hopeful, and real account of that early church that seemed so faith filled and full of joy. I want to see what they did! I’ll take a pass on the stormy seas and shipwrecks and snake bites though.

But it got hard fast and the letters to the churches kind of bogged me down because that feels like the history we are still in today.

Folks come through saying stuff that’s slightly off and the Christians don’t know what to believe. The world around us is pounding at the door, threatening, begging, wooing us to follow it into darkness. Our desires for fame, security, stability, acceptance, delight all constantly needing pastoral teaching to direct us to the only One who truly satisfies.

Persevere, endure, be faithful, remember Christ, cling to hope, take joy in suffering, don’t go back, take hold of the literal power of God that lives in you through the Holy Spirit to take each very next step.

And that is what shines through for me right there. Each very next step in this crazy world is needful of the power of God and He has not left us alone in it. We are not orphans without a home, we are heirs of the greatest treasure with a room prepared for us in heaven.

It is strangely enough.

Hope rings in there too because the inheritance and the room, they’re not here. We have no promise from God of a life of ease and repose and belonging in this world. Anyone who tells you we do ain’t reading their Bible very closely.

Jesus desires our complete joy and I cling to that truth as well. In this world, we can have joy but it is found in Him…often as we delight in His good gifts…but ultimately joy is found in the Giver of the gifts.

We have great promises as God’s people, as Christians, that are fulfilled when He comes back. And when He comes back, all that we struggle with is resolved. I don’t think we will care about much else except being with Him in His kingdom of light with all our tears wiped away enjoying His creation as He meant it to be enjoyed.

I long for that day with more assurance, but also tears as I close the Book this time around.