faith

When Thanksgiving is Sacrificial

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We threw a lot of traditional holiday parties when we lived overseas. At the thanksgiving parties we often read part of Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Proclamation. I had never, to my knowledge, read this proclamation until encountering it in a distant land.

Written in 1863, a time of great bloodshed in the middle of the Civil War, Lincoln’s address and desire for people to give thanks for what God provided in the midst of such violence is moving and worth a read over the holidays. It reminds me that thanksgiving in times of strife is worship, a sacrifice of thanksgiving.

I mull over the concept of a sacrifice of praise or thanksgiving often. It’s a strange idea that sometimes seems just out of my mental and emotional comprehension. I know what sacrifice means and I know what praise and thanksgiving means, but the two together pose a challenge.

This year I have much to give thanks for but much of it is because we experienced a measure of suffering and walking through difficulty and trial. Walking through valleys meant that I cried out to the Lord often and desperately. Many prayers and pleas He answered and many He has not. He sustained and is sustaining me but I am not comfortable with my deep need for Him.

To sacrifice is to give what is costly. Praise and thanksgiving in tumultuous times is a sacrifice–it is costly. It causes me to face and acknowledge the good that I know He is and Has done even when there is much more that is not realized.

Ultimately, I notice it costs me my pride. I must give up my idea of what He owes me that I want to praise and give thanks for and accept what comes from His hand which is good, just not exactly the good I wanted for the here and now. I also must accept the reality that He has not come back to take away the tears yet. So the sacrifice of thanksgiving means letting my agenda burn up in faith that God is actively at work to bring about good even if not for me, or not in my time.

I know many this holiday that face the reality of sacrificial thanksgiving. I’m sure those that read Lincoln’s proclamation with their sons, husbands, and loved ones on the battlefield or lost on the battlefield gathered with tears and longing. A feast with tears feels out of place, but maybe it is more on point than I’d like to accept.

Sacrificial praise this year is leading me to a new hope for the future day when healing is complete, tears are wiped away, justice wins the day, and I am with Jesus. But for the here and now, it is thanksgiving that costs me, brings on the tears… and I am thankful that it matters to the One that came to take away our tears one day.

The Fourth Watch…

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My dad died during the 4th watch of the night. The darkest time before the sun rises. We sat on the back patio watching the sunrise as they took his body away.

The Grand Canyon at sunrise…

It’s usually the 4th watch when I wake up and wrestle with worry and fear, anxiety. Sleep eludes me and hope feels far away. I’m convinced the fourth watch is a time of deep darkness physically and spiritually.

I wonder if Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemane during the 4th watch. Was it during that watch that His disciples failed him in their weakness and fell asleep three times? I’ve often thought Jesus suffered multiple betrayals that night.

Was it the fourth watch when Jesus calmed the storms, displaying His authority over creation?

It was most likely the 4th watch when Peter did what he was convinced he’d never do. He denied knowing Jesus three times. In the 4th watch, Peter met himself in a way that crucified the pride that he could never seem to see. He couldn’t stay awake for Jesus and now he willfully left him too.

When Jesus passed by His disciples walking on water, it was the 4th watch. The darkest hour, the time when the storms are strong and the waves are high, and the effort of fighting the headwinds of life threatens to overwhelm them. They look out, exhausted. All the wonder of the miracle of Jesus feeding 5,000 people and the excitement of being sent out and coming back with stories of God’s power at work through them had faded.

They rowed against headwinds through the night and looked up and saw a figure walking on water…and fear overcame them. They thought Jesus was a ghost and it scared the crap out of them, a bunch of tough fishermen who had seen a fair share of evil spirits cast out of people.

They basically miss the object lesson Jesus intended to show them. Calming of Storm + Healings + Feeding of 5,000 + Walking on Water = ?

Jesus’ reaction to them is of great comfort to me. They still couldn’t put it together and instead of peacing out in frustration and meeting them on the other side, Jesus gets into the boat and is who He is. He is Immanuel. God with us even when we fail the test. He calms the headwinds and accompanies them in their fear.

And so in the 4th watch, when the headwinds are strongest and the fears, failures, and frailty pounds us, I want to remember the Jesus gets in the boat with His disciples. He gets in it with me too.

He is God with me.

Still waters…

The Crowds

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When we lived overseas I developed a local habit. If I came upon a group of people, a crowd, I wanted to see what was going on. Usually something exciting was happening in the center along the lines of an argument or a performance of some sort. I much preferred the spectator role than the center role.

a picnic that became a spectacle
a casual picnic that became a spectacle

Being the center of the crowd, the thing to be looked at, was not my jam. As our family increased, we often became the center of the circle, the spectacle. Our children provided the show. No amount of directing the crowds to disperse worked, in fact trying to drive the crowds away only increased the novelty of watching us. I had no authority over these crowds.

I’m pondering crowds right now as I make my way through the account of Jesus’ life in the book of Mark. Y’all, I’ve got to say reading the Bible need never get dry or old. There’s always something new to see and this time for me, it’s the crowds.

The crowds often gather around Jesus. He is a spectacle. Initially, He heals a few people and crowds flock to Him to receive more. I imagine it as quite the scene. Numerous sick, diseased, and demon possessed people draw here to Jesus wherever He goes. They press in on Him and take great effort to be very, very close to Him and then…miracles happen.

I don’t know about you, but that’s would be worth traveling some distance to see. And people did travel far to see what was going on. In a day before cell phones and internet, word of mouth proved a very effective means to pass along information.

And more and more people drew near…

Jesus constantly extended compassion to the crowds. When he saw the crowds when he was tired, he still extended his compassion and fed them, taught them, healed them. He refused to send the crowds away hungry for concern they might faint on the way. He knew their circumstances and how far they came to be near him. He asked his disciples to pray for the crowds and tried to help them really see the crowds.

Pretty quickly, though, the religious leaders show up and their response to the crowds is a stark contrast.

The religious leaders needed the following of the crowds as a way to hold power and command respect. They laid heavy burdens on the crowds that extended beyond what God intended in the Law and tried to enslave the crowds to themselves. Ever seeking more righteousness, they placed barriers that the crowds struggled to overcome and led away from God rather than toward Him. To reveal weakness or be honest about brokenness was not an option for the religious leaders as they seemed to thrive on the power and respect they gained with their self-righteous distance.

When the crowds delighted in Jesus’ condemnation of the religious leaders teachings, the leaders weren’t just frustrated. They became furious. They watched the crowds and the following Jesus drew very closely. The crowds loved to listen to Jesus expose them.

The religious leaders plotted and struck back with riddles and traps rather than actually listening and investigating. Most religious leaders revealed no curiosity in their questions. Instead, each question or situation brought before Jesus was a plot to trip him up. As Jesus met each situation with searing truth the crowds delighted in the show. The religious leaders’ fury and fear increased. They plotted to kill Jesus secretly to avoid the backlash of the crowds in their ploy to retain authority.

another site where a mob formed when local businesses were threatened because more began following Jesus…

The Roman occupying forces also had their take on the crowds. It seems the thrust of how the Roman authorities dealt with the crowds revolved around appeasement. Just avoid a riot or an uprising. Keep the peace. Most of the time, this was an effective tactic for their end goal of occupying the world.

But then Jesus, someone truly revolutionary on a universal scale, came. Roman authorities pandered to the mercurial crowds and the religious leaders, revealing their true authority. Pilate wanted to act on what he heard Jesus say, but he put himself at the mercy of many other forces. Truth could not matter to Pilate because he was under the thumb of other authorities, one of which was the crowds.

In our day and age, crowds are still around, often physically unseen in social media followings. The crowds are still unpredictable and mercurial, flocking around anything gory or any promise of hope to relieve pain and suffering. One minute they’re going this way, one minute going that way. Sheep without a shepherd.

Like any flock, the behavior of crowds can be mystifying until something comes to herd or direct them. Right now I find myself mystified by the crowds, but also distressed and saddened. I can’t keep up with which way the crowds are moving and why. I see the crowds driven and herded but usually the crowds seem harassed and helpless under some form of manipulation.

Sadly, most that seek to hold authority over crowds seem to be motivated largely by personal ambition.

Who has compassion? Who actually leads with an authority not extracted from who follows them? Who is not trying to gain power for themselves but wants to serve?

Even as I lament our situation, I can recognize that there are many who have compassion and they are often overlooked because they are among us as those who serve. And it must be this way, the way of Jesus, the way of servitude if I am truly to follow Him. It cannot be the way of personal ambition or manipulation, it must not be that way among the followers of Jesus.

And so I am thankful to receive Jesus’ compassion, teaching, and inherent authority because He is the One who saw the crowds, never pandered to them, never manipulated them, but gave His life for them as they demanded His death…for us…the crowds…the roiling mob of sheep without a shepherd.

The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

Peace and Trouble

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After drawing a bow on Hebrews, I felt I needed to see Jesus again so I began reading through John looking especially for stories of healing. Nothing seemed to make an impression quite the way I wanted. I paused before the last supper scene a little disheartened. I’ll look again tomorrow, I thought, knowing all the healing sections lay in previous chapters.

I pulled it out a day or so later and began reading again and noticed some key words I usually pass over* that begged for more attention this time. Peace. Trouble.

Peace I give to you; my peace I leave with you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Peace be with you! John 20:19

Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, so I am sending you. John 20:21

Peace be with you! John 20:26

I loved this modern tapestry from the newly renovated Notre Dame. It depicts the hint of the cross found in the story of Abraham and Isaac. For this post, it illustrates the shadowy way we can see Christ in the circumstances of our trouble.

I felt troubled and was looking for the reassurance of God’s power through Christ’s miracles of healing. Instead I came away with something a bit different. The affirmation that the world is indeed full of trouble. The trouble I feel, its real and its expected by my savior. Healing isn’t always his current plan to bring peace. He is the current plan for peace in my troubled world.

Just Him.

It’s not what I was looking for but it is what I need. To know that Jesus is aware of the trouble in the world is deeply comforting. Nothing I bring to Him is a surprise or overwhelming to Him. I may be overwhelmed but He is not.

To know that the trouble is not really from Him, it is from the world, sets my heart facing the right direction… towards the One who has overcome all the trouble I see.

These passages are in the middle of the abiding section of John so the direction to not let my heart be troubled echoes some strong remaining/abiding themes to me. I need to remove the barriers and relax the constriction in my heart that hinders the flow of His love to me.

Most of the time the barrier is that, whatever it is, it is not going the way I want it to and I try to do it myself. To not let my heart be troubled is to resist the lie that God does not care, that I can control things I cannot, that God is not aware, that He is not powerful.

Curiously the final three repetitions of peace be with you are followed by assurances of Jesus’ physical resurrection when He shows His followers His hands and feet. One repetition is a transferal of a purpose and work to His followers.

He says “peace be with you”…look I am indeed really alive. I conquered death! This is the peace!

The trouble of the world is in the waiting for the peace Jesus to spread as far as it can before the final day.

It’s always surprising to me how soaking in God’s word gives what I need. It’s not always what I was looking for but it is always what I need. I wanted a renewed sense of Jesus’ power to heal and I walked away with Him and with the comfort that the trouble of this world is known to Him.

He did something about it.

And He’s still doing something about it.

*pun alert

Journeying through Hebrews

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I’ve always loved Hebrews. Maybe its the mystery of not knowing exactly who wrote this letter or maybe its how its put together in a way that just makes sense to me. As I entered the summer months of routine changes, I realized I wanted to change up my morning time with the Lord so I ordered a study on Hebrews (Jen Wilkin’s Better) and dug in.

It’s a fill in the blanks type of guide to Hebrews and it got me thinking about why that’s just so nice sometimes, to fill in the blanks. To have someone else ask the questions and guide the study is filling a need to not ask myself the questions and be the guide. There’s much that I am feeling my way through this summer and the peace of just opening a study guide and contemplating someone else’s question to me is peaceful.

So what am I gleaning from Hebrews? As many times as I’ve read it, it just gets better, pardon the potential plagiarism! The truth of God’s love and power are sinking in again a little deeper. I think the truths of Jesus grace and mercy early on in our life with Christ can feel a little more like flash floods that uproot our former ways. The grace and mercy and love carve a new and disruptive path in a life-giving way, channeling a new path in life. But that early understanding of His love also needs the steady rains of truth to soak in to the ground of our life too.

What’s soaking in right now is the astounding completeness of what Christ did for us in coming to us as Jesus. We had a dire problem with our fallen nature that we always think we can probably at least help God solve when in reality our help is a joke. That God would take on the complete contract to bring us back to Him, all at His cost, is astounding in a slow-soaking-rain kind of way to me right now.

He welcomes the broken and the needy to His throne room, not the one who comes thinking they have something to offer. Not the one who has something to show off, but the one who has nothing is the one He invites. Right now, I sense that neediness and my inability to make myself whole or those around me.

It’s also striking me that Jesus prayed and asked for another way for our redemption to be accomplished and God told the One who lived a perfect life, no. The One most deserving of a yes from God received a no. And then that One submitted and accepted the no and chose to do what needed to be done to bring us back. Willingly, for the joy, for me, for you.

I’m pretty bad at no, both hearing a no and sometimes giving a no even if its in the best interest of the other person or myself. To know Jesus can even sympathize with us when our prayers are answered with a no is sticking with me right now.

Can I trust God’s no? Can I take up what is before me in joy and willingly even when I asked not to have to?

Well, the author of Hebrews knows what we face because he (or she) gives us some great direction in our journey with Christ to focus on Him who endured the pain, for the joy set before Him.

And so for today, that is enough, the blank that I focus on filling in…focusing on Him.

Pausing Between Testaments

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I have a love hate relationship with waiting. I love the anticipation of waiting for something good that I know is coming. I resist waiting with hope in seasons of pain, grief, and isolation.

I just finished the Old Testament, except for a few Psalms and Proverbs, and stared at that stark page announcing the New Testament. An impression came over me that at this moment I needed to slow down for a day and reflect rather than plough on through to the gospels.

While I’m waiting a day to move forward, others before me waited 400 years between their last communication from God and the arrival of Jesus. Even that arrival of Jesus wasn’t well known to the community for decades and many never acknowledged or realized that He was the One that they waited to appear.

What must it be like to wait for God in His silence and anticipate all that seems to be coming while also living occupied and oppressed, holding onto a thread of hope?

I’m not sure but as I paused and reflected on my reading of the Bible thus far, a litany of thoughts and impressions occupied me.

Here’s what I contemplated as I paused between testaments:

humanity is a little like a rotten melon–shouldn’t we be better than we are when you actually look inside?

People are hopelessly messed up and keep doing the same wrong things over and over again. In Egypt, God rescues His people with signs and wonders, news of which spread far and wide striking fear into surrounding nations. But it wasn’t enough to permanently change the people’s hearts to trust God. The kings they wanted couldn’t fix them and actually made things worse. Even those that wanted to do good couldn’t seem to keep themselves from messing up.

2500 + years later I don’t see any evidence that people, on our own, do anything different or better. We still face ourselves in all the same failures and evil related in the Bible thousands of years ago.

God communicated with people…a very lot. The shear massive size of the books of the Old Testament filled with the story of who God is, who people are, what’s wrong with the relationship between God and people, how people feel about God, stories of how myriad people respond to God, and the pervasive humanity of it all…it is quite overwhelming.

Besides Daniel, there’s not really a character in the Bible that comes shining through. They all have very real, very human issues and failures. There’s no hiding reality and many parts are just tough to read. The world has been and is and will be a very difficult place to live because of that first point. And yet, God preserved His communication telling people who He is and inviting them, wooing them, even commanding them to return to Him over and over and over in order to live the full life He offers.

Easter eggs. It gets talked about a lot in reference to Taylor Swift these days. But the Old Testament is just filled with Easter eggs referencing a better future, a resolution of the problems in people and between people and God. They’re thrown in all over the place and, again, a brisk read through makes them even more obvious in my experience.

At some point in the future…things will be so different between people and God and it’s going to be amazing. Abundant harvests, peace, joy, feasts, justice, rest, a place for everyone, many from all nations under God’s favor… and an end to all the horror that exists in the people’s current reality.

More of a real egg than an Easter egg

Glittering passages of expectation and hope scattered through vast fields of sadness, despair, and tragedy…easter eggs.

Hope, expectation, and confusion. That’s what I’m left with as I stare at the title page for the New Testament. That title page represents a 400 year gap between the New and Old.

400 years where, if I were those people in Israel, I’d be thinking…now what?

We came up from Egypt and messed up in the Promised Land, royally messed up God’s plan. We got exiled, justly, and God preserved a remnant like He said He would. We thought we learned our lessons. Keep the Sabbath, follow the law, don’t worship idols, worship God at the one place He says. Then, miracle of all miracles, exactly 70 years later, kings who worshiped all kinds of other gods actually let us come back to Jerusalem, build the temple, build back the wall, settle back in the land.

It was touch and go at first in the whole obedience department. Some went back to the old ways and Nehemiah had to pull some hair but we think we got it this time. We are going to excel at keeping the Sabbath and following the law and not worshiping idols and worship only at the temple this time. When God sees we got that down, we get our King back, the one in the David dynasty, and we’re out from the thumb of all these nations like we were before. We’re back on the world stage, politically powerful and everyone sees that God is Almighty. We win wars again and we have the prosperity like God promised originally. This David-like King is promised to be something really extraordinary!

Being in the waiting period must be like having an outline of the puzzle but not all the pieces fitted yet…kind of exasperating

We just gotta do better and things will get better for us…except 400 years pass and we have no king, no political power, we’re still dominated by other nations, struggling to survive. We’re desperately trying to figure out what detail we’re missing in the law, what is keeping God from delivering us again? When we rebuilt the temple, why did the cloud and the fire not come down like it did at other times? Where is God? Who is this Elijah like person He promises will come in the future? Why is He waiting, when is it going to happen? When will we get that powerful king? When will He at least talk to us again?

And the people wait and anticipate and hope and try to cling to God…or at least His law.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

When It Hits Different

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I sit here reading a great book, The Pastor by Eugene Peterson, thinking about posting an artsy shot on Insta recommending it to all who for some reason follow me. I got to wondering, though, if my younger friends would get this book the way I get it now at a different age and time in my life?

Would this book hit me at 25 like it does at 47? I don’t really know… I strongly suspect not.

I remember reading about a missionary in my early 20’s and felt so much internal conflict. It was the first time I’d walked away from a biography of someone so devoted to the Lord but who left me with some serious problems. I wasn’t sure I liked parts of her very much. In my 20’s I didn’t know what to do with that reality.

How could someone live for God so devotedly and not be completely likable? Well, now I grasp it a little more, ahem, personally.

As time passed and I contemplated that biography, it reflected back my own soul in all its light and shadows. Grace began shining through because I am that person, not totally likable, but completely loved by God…it’s ok to not be perfect. And God is not thwarted.

Another time I took a book on God’s love to read on a summer trip. I can’t remember all the details but it struck me deeply. I passed it on to a college student on the trip and it was meh for them. I wonder if reading it now after being pummeled by life if it would hit differently.

And it’s not just spiritually attuned books. Pride and Prejudice, when you identify with Elizabeth, reads differently than Pride and Prejudice when you identify with the mother in the story. Warnings abound!

So Eugene and I over the years are becoming well acquainted. Personally I’m not a huge fan of The Message translation when I read except that I love the purpose of why it was formed. My affinity for Eugene comes through more in his whole-hearted expression of what it means to walk with Jesus in our time, culture, and place with the people God’s put around us.

He works against my… American-ness I guess. That tendency to be productive or achieving in a way that silences the Spirit. Eugene points it out and beckons me to be with God and with others. To just be the child of God in the time I live. To be cautious of being lured by the business of spirituality, the fallacy of thinking I can fix anyone, the arrogant focus on achievement and accumulation that can run me off the road towards what I truly desire.

I still recommend The Pastor, but if it doesn’t hit you right now and you’re on the young side, put it back on the bookshelf to gather dust.

Then, read it again in 20 years and see if it hits different.

On Family Vacations

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Be quiet. Listen.

My boy’s words as we took a short break on our hike yesterday.

What did we hear? Quiet. No sound of machine, car, people, pipes, notifications…just silence.

What a gift to hear only the whisper of wind blowing through trees with leaves hanging on by a thread, waiting for spring to shove them off in favor of the new. The gift of hearing other leaves blowing on the ground, ready to become soil that would grow a new wave of forest.

My boy is one restored by nature and the outdoors and silence in ways others in our family have yet to discover or just aren’t. The other boy is one on the hunt, overturning any rock he can in search of salamanders. Then he looks them up in his classification book astounded over finding one here that only exists…here.

Always ready to go…unless he’s not.

But the quiet one, the one of few words, when he speaks it often gets missed to his frustration. He wants to speak only what needs saying and only once and be…heard. And, sadly, we are a rowdy bunch and often miss what he’s trying to tell us, trying to say. He’s forced to repeat what he wanted to only have to say once, or not at all.

I think he wants us all to learn to read his mind and is disappointed we won’t…not wanting to accept we can’t.

So when he insists we be quiet, that we listen, this time we hear, my husband and I and we do what he says. We fall silent and listen with him and watch as the peace comes over him in a calm place with glorious views. Away from the pressure of AP classes and high school shenanigans he was never young enough in soul to truly enjoy.

A long time ago a mentor advised that I needed to slow down and accept that our family pace needed to include all…even the ones I most wanted to hurry up because they seem to slow. Maybe their pace was God’s gift to me, to us all, and waiting for them was God’s intended way forward for us.

That was at least 10 years ago…

I am not always good at this but over time, I am learning and accepting and seeing that bending to the whole is truly God’s gift to me.

It looks like family vacations where being outside hiking and exploring needs to be central so we all are restored. My intensity, though I’d like to think I’m laid back, is moderated by one foot in front of the other. I am restored as well as I keep a steady pace, putting one foot in front of another…

And another and another.

Pausing to wait for the youngest while another rock is lifted in search of another salamander.

Enjoying the constant, watchful presence of my middle son, an experienced hiker, looking after me, the inexperienced hiker, quietly accompanying me one foot after another. Saying little and much all at the same time.

Enjoying the slow stillness of the outdoors.

What have you learned about yourself and your family on vacations?

Truth and Morality

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I like to peruse the Nextdoor app, well, daily. It’s fun to see what’s happening in the hood…sometimes its just entertaining. Other times its downright chilling to see how people respond to events in our community.

People are posting pictures of folks they don’t know who aren’t following the law of social distancing. They’re sharing some pretty extreme hostilities towards those who are stockpiling toilet paper. We don’t even know who’s stockpiling it, but someone is because there’s no toilet paper!

By the way, you can use this handy toilet paper calculator to assess how long your stash is going to last you. The advanced feature is pretty awesome. If its going to last you til September, well, you might be the one people don’t like very much right now.

But its really struck me how morality is at an all time high. There is a right and a wrong way to act during this crisis according to many, some of them actual scientists and doctors. The right way has to do with protecting others, looking out for others, and not thinking just about yourself.

And, its based on truth. This itty, bitty, tiny, little organism we can’t even see with our naked eye is passing between us, killing people, and bringing the entire world to its knees. The closer we stand and the more we interact, the worse it will get.

Facts. Math. They support this reality.

We cannot escape the truth though we act sometimes like it doesn’t apply to us. Acting like it doesn’t apply doesn’t make it not true. The reality of “the curve” will show us how well we are aligning with truth as a whole community.

Right now, it don’t look so good. And why should it? Morality and truth have been situational for so long that when we are backed up into this kind of wall, its so confusing! At the grocery store or neighborhood park, its not ok anymore that “you do you.” It means someone you may not even know will pay the price. The noblest act of love in the era of Covid-19 is to deny yourself for others.

And truth has never been so valued as it seems to be at press conferences right now. What people say and what they have said and done matters deeply. Did elected officials trade on inside information? There is a very significant and important judgement to be made that depends on what is true in that situation.

Do we want to elect such people to make decisions for our society. Most people, I think, would say no. So truth matters. We want people to follow a code that is fair and considers others, not just ourselves. We must judge these matters fairly in an age when not being judged is pretty popular.

Right now, there is a ban on elective surgeries where I am. The central basis is to look out for the life of others by conserving beds, medical supplies, and limiting risks for exposure. This week, my mother’s doctor had to defend, document in detail, and be prepared to explain the surgery my mom needed in ways he didn’t have to before. Waiting on her surgery would certainly mean an urgent risk to her life in the coming weeks when beds, supplies, and exposure will be much worse.

We hear of cancer patients facing different and limited decisions for treatment based on these factors. What a month ago would have been the best plan is now not because of risks of exposure. What a tough position to be in. Yet, there are law cases advocating for surgeries for non-life threatening, but very deeply difficult issues, like unwanted pregnancy.

Our society has to face these very moral questions now. Does one person get to use up medical resources to deal with a non-life threatening (but very physically and emotionally difficult) issue while another person with a life threatening issue cannot receive surgery?

When the main code for most behavior as it relates to our interconnected society is to preserve the lives of many we do not even know, our culture is inconsistent. We still want what we want and we still don’t really want to look out for others in key ways.

So, what are we to do with all our inconsistency? What do we do when we are backed up against a wall of morality and truth? When the issues don’t seem like life and death, its easier to squirm away.

My hope in all this upheaval and chaos is that we, as a world, will acknowledge that we all have an innate sense to some degree of morality and truth and it is a good thing. But it also leads us down a path we must follow to the end.

Where does this moral code and truth come from? Why do we have it? Why does everyone seem to agree worldwide that lives matter enough to shut down everything to save 1-2% of our population?

If you’re an atheist, it doesn’t make sense. You should welcome the culling of our weaker population. It is more consistent with an atheistic position it seems to me. No need to socially distance. Of course, I would think that the atheist must hope they are not considered in the 1-2%.

If you’re agnostic, the universal morality and desire for truth must mean something. If you can’t abide the atheistic mindset, its no longer the time to sit on the fence. If life matters, then its time to really decide who God really is. If God’s a God that values life and has fashioned us with a similar innate mind…to value life as well…wouldn’t life be better lived aligned with Him?

If so, who is God? The search must begin and be carried out in earnest.

To the Christian, this really exposes us. Do we care about lives as much as we say we do? As much as God does? Do we love like God loves? Do we know His love enough to trust Him with our futures economically, in matters of life and death, to talk about how much He loves people and doesn’t want anyone to die without knowing Him and His forgiveness of our incredible selfishness?

With the world at its knees, its time to talk. Or if we don’t really know His love for us, to dig deeper and get to know the trinitarian God of the Bible more deeply. My experience is that drawing closer to the God of the Bible has driven me towards His love and towards loving others.

Many will say God does not love the world. That He does not even exist or things wouldn’t be like this. That He is judging the world and He’s being really unfair and harsh.

Love like God’s love is not to be trifled with, true. It is pure and rejecting His gift does leave people in the cold. But it is fair and it should compel us to urgently invite everyone in to sit at His table.

But what is true about God—whether He exists, whether He has the right to say what is true and what is not, what is right and what is not—it matters whether we live by it or not.

Ultimately, at the end of life, there is no squirming away. If its true that God is the source of truth and morality, we will be at His mercy.

If its not true, what does it matter how we live our lives right now? There’s really not many people that would say that out loud right now. They’d be relegated to the depths of social hell for the rest of their lives for acting in their own interests.

So, Covid-19 puts us up against the wall. It’s time for us to decide about God, who He is and what it means for our life and the lives of those around us.

Spoiler alert, it’s not so bad, in fact, its so, so good to be at peace with God.

On a Date with Jesus…

~ eternalwaitofglory ~ 1 Comment

Friday in my day planner contained an enormous, bold X encompassing all the hours from 8 until 3.

But not for vacation, a shopping trip, or bingeing on Netflix. Friday’s assignment from 8 to 3 is time with Jesus. It has all kinds of names but on our ministry team’s calendar, it is marked DWL or Day With the Lord.img_7624

What a gift, right?  A whole day to spend with Jesus. Who doesn’t want that? My daughter commented that it was a vacation. And it certainly looks like that, and feels like that sometimes. I’m thankful that our director sees that we need to be refreshed to pour into the lives of others.

But it is also a challenge. A whole day with Jesus confronts my distractive tendencies, it stands against my desire to produce something, and it reveals the state of my heart. After about 2 hours, I start to squirm, wanting to do something else, wanting to check that phone, the social media, accomplish that task. All the while knowing and wanting to delight in Jesus longer. Ack! The Civil War of the Soul.

Spending extended time with Jesus is a discipline. Meaning, we gain capacity for more through practice and training. So often discipline conjures up a harsh experience that is no fun at all. Discipline…like eating limp broccoli or cleaning up your room when you don’t want to…gets a bad rap.

But what about discipline that trains us for more joy, more capacity to receive from God, more faith? Like training for a 5K, discipline allows us to go farther and experience more delight because we trusted God for more and got to see Him provide.

So, how do you develop the discipline for spending an extended time with Jesus? Here are a few things I’ve discovered that have helped my capacity and enjoyment of Jesus expand during a longer time spent with Him.

  • Be a hedonist. Hedonism has negative connotations when it pertains to seeking after our own pleasures apart from God. But what about seeking pleasure in God? By definition hedonism is the doctrine that pleasure is the sole or chief good in life. Well, pleasure in God, loving God, is the chief good in life, so go for it!

How I live out hedonism with Jesus:

Read what I want to read in the Bible as long as I want to read it and as slowly or quickly as I want to read it.

Journal whenever I want to journal

Enjoy a cup of coffee, a candle, or the warmth of my down comforter

Appreciate the ways God has brought good into my life

Indulge my creative side by writing a blog post which I always post on a different day due to the following reality…

Wear comfortable clothes.

  • Own my weakness. Days with the Lord have been part of my life for a long time. Years. I have experience with this discipline. Experience doesn’t mean good experience. It means I’ve had good days and I’ve had bad. Since we’re going for good and not regret,

Here are a couple of things I take into account:

I will desire to “produce” instead of “be”. I combat this by planning the whole week to eliminate as much temptation to be productive by completing what I need to complete or surrendering what I cannot complete in time.

I have a limited attention span. I will get to the limit. At that point, I can choose to tap out or change my routine and keep going. Changing my location, what I’m reading, or how I’m interacting helps. I will go to a coffee shop or to another room in our house. It helps to know I will need to face this reality and have a plan for how to adapt.

  • Ruthlessly Protect. Time with Jesus doesn’t just happen. There are too many things begging for my attention. Jesus invites but He doesn’t ever seem to shout or twist my arm or force me to connect with Him. I must choose to follow Him. So, I must choose to pattern my life to enable following Him not just for a Day with Jesus, but every day too. For a Day with Jesus, I find I must diligently protect that time.

Here are a few tips:

Dedicate the day in advance. How much in advance is up to you and up to your spiritual needs. Maybe you’re spiritually crashing and burning and tomorrow needs to be the day. Let folks know, cancel appointments, carve out the time.

At least a week helps to give the time to complete necessary work, eliminate distractions, and gather an idea of what you want to read or focus on.

Guard the Day. All week my mind was set on protecting Friday. Guarding against saving an errand for Friday, scheduling an appointment for Friday, leaving a text to answer on Friday.

Silence your Phone. This is a hard one for me as a mom. I feel that I cannot always do this with kids in school. If you can do it, do it.

  • Surrender. As a mom of three, I’ve had to accept that there are times when I cannot indulge a Day With the Lord in the way I dreamed. A kid gets sick and needs care. A house repair or errand just really cannot wait (think overflowing toilet, or power outage). Or, when our kids were babies and we lived overseas, my husband and I traded out halfway through the day. There was always a very awkward interchange about who got to go out in the morning and come back in time for nap time!

Even while I may have planned, God might have other plans.

On those days, as disappointing as they are, I began to begin to recognize that I could enjoy Jesus’ care for me in a different way. He sees me and He sees my plight. He can meet me where I am even if I don’t get to spend the day with Him like I wanted to. Sometimes I can rearrange and choose another day and try again. Sometimes I can’t.

Always I have every morning at 6 that I can wake up and spend time with Him.

A Day with Jesus will not make up for every day walking with Him. So, don’t wait for a day in the distant future to spend with Him, answer His invitation every day.