holidays

When Thanksgiving is Sacrificial

~ eternalwaitofglory ~ 1 Comment

We threw a lot of traditional holiday parties when we lived overseas. At the thanksgiving parties we often read part of Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Proclamation. I had never, to my knowledge, read this proclamation until encountering it in a distant land.

Written in 1863, a time of great bloodshed in the middle of the Civil War, Lincoln’s address and desire for people to give thanks for what God provided in the midst of such violence is moving and worth a read over the holidays. It reminds me that thanksgiving in times of strife is worship, a sacrifice of thanksgiving.

I mull over the concept of a sacrifice of praise or thanksgiving often. It’s a strange idea that sometimes seems just out of my mental and emotional comprehension. I know what sacrifice means and I know what praise and thanksgiving means, but the two together pose a challenge.

This year I have much to give thanks for but much of it is because we experienced a measure of suffering and walking through difficulty and trial. Walking through valleys meant that I cried out to the Lord often and desperately. Many prayers and pleas He answered and many He has not. He sustained and is sustaining me but I am not comfortable with my deep need for Him.

To sacrifice is to give what is costly. Praise and thanksgiving in tumultuous times is a sacrifice–it is costly. It causes me to face and acknowledge the good that I know He is and Has done even when there is much more that is not realized.

Ultimately, I notice it costs me my pride. I must give up my idea of what He owes me that I want to praise and give thanks for and accept what comes from His hand which is good, just not exactly the good I wanted for the here and now. I also must accept the reality that He has not come back to take away the tears yet. So the sacrifice of thanksgiving means letting my agenda burn up in faith that God is actively at work to bring about good even if not for me, or not in my time.

I know many this holiday that face the reality of sacrificial thanksgiving. I’m sure those that read Lincoln’s proclamation with their sons, husbands, and loved ones on the battlefield or lost on the battlefield gathered with tears and longing. A feast with tears feels out of place, but maybe it is more on point than I’d like to accept.

Sacrificial praise this year is leading me to a new hope for the future day when healing is complete, tears are wiped away, justice wins the day, and I am with Jesus. But for the here and now, it is thanksgiving that costs me, brings on the tears… and I am thankful that it matters to the One that came to take away our tears one day.

Tis the Season

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Well…not that season anymore but there are other seasons right? This month is birthday season for me. All of my three children celebrate birthdays in February within two weeks of each other. Yeah, it’s weird, but in my defense, one of them came three weeks early. If he’d minded his manners we’d have one March birthday.

I was tempted at the mall, but walked away empty handed….

Celebrating each one in their uniqueness is an exciting challenge, especially as they grow and change. Which birthday cake will they want this year? What constitutes a cool party? Do they even want a party? Is there any way to not eat six different birthday cakes and gain ten pounds in February?

And then I need to be mindful to pace myself a little so I don’t hit the third birthday, which comes a day after the second birthday of the month, mind you, and hit a wall. They can always tell when mom hits a wall.

It’s interesting to me that when we say there’s a season, it often means a holiday season. But it can also mean it’s a season of work, like tax season. Or a season of grief when a loved one dies. Or a season of singleness. Or a season of transition.

Like the seasons we observe through our window, they all look different. Some look dead, like grieving seasons. Some seasons look very alive and active like seasons where labor is increased. Some seasons are just kind of weird, like seasons of transition where it’s hard to tell what’s going on out there.

As I entered my 40’s a few years ago, I contemplated what all would happen in my 40’s. Three kids learning how to drive. Three kids graduating high school. Three kids entering college or post-high school futures. By the end of my 40’s, an empty nest loomed as a potential reality. At least one, maybe two possibly choosing to marry.

So where I entered my 40’s with kids all under my roof, in school, riding shotgun in my van. My 40’s would end with potentially all sleeping and living in other situations.

Sniff, sniff. And…hmmm, interesting.

Right now I’m preparing to celebrate one entering a new decade, one becoming an adult, and one getting a learners permit. I’m right in the middle of the season, a season of transition. A slow, decade long movement towards children becoming adults.

It’s way too exciting at times. Teaching three kids to drive? Fretting through all the high school classes and questions of what is next? Navigating teen dating relationships? Applying for colleges? It’s a wild ride.

As a younger mom, a thought impressed me about seasons of motherhood. Each stage or season felt like a proving ground for the next season. If I embraced learning the lessons of sleepless nights and diaper changes, maybe I’d be better prepared for the temper tantrums of the two and three year old and, later on, the teenager. In the same way, this decade of transition contains lessons, or if you’re a gamer, levels to unlock, that I imagine may come in handy later on.

Who knows what lies ahead. But for now, in this birthday season month, I’m thankful I still get to make cakes and see my kids in person on their birthdays. Such may not always be the case, but for now it is a wonderful reality.

I’ll have to remember that when I’m in the middle of a potential teen boy gel blaster battle party at the park. We’re two weeks away and they’re still deciding if that’s the move this year. In this too, I can be present and thankful.

My 4 Holiday Best Practices

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I’d love for my holidays to be magical and nostalgic this year like a Hallmark commercial but, in reality, I’m pretty wiped out and its still a few weeks until Thanksgiving break.

College students I talk with face longer than normal school breaks too. So many of us are home so much more, its come up that we’re a little nervous about more together time.

I’m not sure where you are as you anticipate the holiday break, but I’m already thinking through what might help my break feel restorative…or maybe just not totally suck.

So, here are a few lifelines I’m holding on to over the holidays in this very tumultous year.

#1: Read.

Fiction is always important to me. I read fiction every night. Lining up a few really good books for the holidays is a high priority on vacations and holidays. Good fiction helps me put worries and to-do lists aside at the end of a day and mentally unwind.

And when I say good fiction, I’m saying all fiction is not created equal. Remember that episode on Friends where Joey reads Rachel’s novel? He’s spot on. There’s plenty of good books out there that satisfy our God-given hunger for good stories.

Check out my top ten all time favorites!

#2: Ritual.

Ok, that sounds weird. I’m not into empty or evil rituals. I am into grounding patterns for my day that can reset my world a little bit. This is especially helpful when there is no outside schedule I laid out for me to follow, like during holidays when school and work are on a back burner.

One ritual I plan to keep is waking before my kids to a cup of coffee and reading my Bible. Another is taking a walk before it gets dark each day. These activities are not new and carrying them on helps me process through my days or prepare for them.

#3: Relax.

For the past few years, I’ve set aside one day of personal vacation before my kids are released on holiday break. On that day, my focus is to do indulgent things like watch a movie at 9am, wrap presents in the living room, and eat what I want to eat from a restaraunt even if I already have a sensible meal in the fridge.

Last year I assured my husband I loved and liked him and politely asked him to make himself scarce that day. He is so gracious and made himself scarce that day. It is a wonderful day. I’m looking forward to it this year so much!

Its my version of Treat Yo’self.

#4: Review.

I always spend the early hours of January 1st engaging my soul with some reflection on the past year. This year is one for the books, literally! If there was ever a year to reflect on, this is surely at the top of the list.

I know there are a few ways to do this so pick one that works for you. My favorite is Michael Hyatt’s Seven Questions to Ask About Last Year. Something about sitting in the quiet, remembering, grieving, celebrating, and recording my thoughts on my year helps me face the new one.

If you haven’t tried an exercise like this, consider setting aside some time to reflect and record.

Will more time at home be a gift after so many months of more time at home? I’m trusting that God always has more good in store for all of us in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.

I’ve enjoyed the Lord in each of these practices in different ways and I’m all about sharing the wealth! So let me know if you adopt one. I’d love to hear how it went for you.

Being Still

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I expected Easter weekend to be full of far flung friends gathered for a special wedding celebration—a dear friend united in marriage in the witness of many other dear friends.

A big celebration surrounded by many other little celebrations of a community separated and once again united for a weekend.

As shut downs and shelter-in-places spread across the world, the celebrations are delayed, the wedding postponed as we all wait for the unknown.

Our plans all yielded…

We may never be so closely linked in experience or feeling with the followers of Christ this Easter season. The joys of Spring Break in early March feel like Palm Sunday when life seemed like it was going well. An expectation of wonderful Spring!

The snowball of our restrictions parallel the turn of events during Holy Week as Jesus went from a heralded king to a hunted and betrayed man. Life turned upside down for Jesus’ followers.

A much anticipated celebration season flipped to unexpected mourning.

As they witnessed Jesus’ procession with His cross, this man they had followed everywhere for three years, did they think what we think now about our plans…this should not to be? I never saw this coming?

And, when Jesus’ body was placed in the tomb and the Sabbath began, and they sat in their homes did they sit stunned like we do now?

I don’t know what is next? Life as I know it is flipped upside down. What happens when this is over? When we emerge from our homes to a new reality? The ones passed over and not taken by this pandemic.

We wonder about our jobs, whether our kids will go back to school, what our community will suffer. The disciples also worried about their jobs and their lives… what they would suffer when those in power came looking for them the first chance they could leave their home.

Our world, with so many people, has never been so still as on this Passover, this Easter weekend. I have never experienced alongside so many others such uncertainty about what is next.

With all the unexpected quiet and stillness in my home right now, all the itching eagerness to escape and do something, anything else…I identify with Jesus’ followers in a new way this weekend.

Unlike them, I have the hope of knowing the next part of the story for us as followers of Jesus. The joy of the resurrection. The assurance of redemption and the security of a new purpose as His follower that the disciples would soon discover.

But, this weekend, I can identify with them…a party weekend upset and turned into a weekend of wondering quiet waiting for a new, uncertain day.

On Christmas Lists

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It’s that time of year when its 80 degrees outside, supposed to be fall, yet holidays are coming. The main way that I know the holidays are coming is that there are holiday things in the grocery store seasonal aisle. And, all that really means is that there will be that holiday sometime in the next 6 months.

But, each year the whole Christmas List thing gets a little stressful. I see that seasonal aisle and I know I cannot escape it much longer. Christmas shopping.

Follow along to see how it plays out in our family. Beware, you might get stressed.

In our house, I usually start asking our kids what they’re thinking for Christmas in about October. Kind of a shot over the bow type situation on a casual walk…just feeling them out.

Our kids lists’ are kind of funny sometimes. One year our middle kid asked for a new mattress after discovering that the absolute cheapest mattress at IKEA wasn’t his jam after a few months. He’s all in to comfort.

This year he asked for a certain gaming controller then we looked it up on Amazon. We decided maybe he should go to college rather than have that controller.

Then, my husband and I think of things they might like or need. Ok now, that is truly a deep experience in figuring out how well we really know our kids. Are they still in to LEGO Star Wars or have they moved on? Is my daughter going for atheleisure or is she going for smart casual these days?

I don’t know! Who am I as a mother to not know these things!? Ack. Insecurity.

My husband is a very frugal man. Not cheap. Frugal. There’s a difference. The wish list then morphs into an ever narrowing target as he hones in on the bulls eye of Christmas gifts. The gifts that will be used, loved, and passed on to grandkids. The criteria is tight and rigorous.

They usually like the gifts he thinks of the best, better than my gifts. Yes, we compete for the affections of our children and we don’t like to face it.

My contribution is usually in the category I’ll call whimsy. What will be fun for them? Refer back to that paragraph on whether I really know my kids and you’ll see that’s like shooting an arrow with absolutely no archery training.

Ha. It could land literally anywhere and sometimes hits the bulls eye but only sometimes.

So, if you have powers of interpretation, are you seeing that my husband and I have some interesting conversations as we put together the list on our pretty modest budget?

You’re smart then. Give yourself a pat on the back. I bet you’re trying to figure out what number on the Enneagram we are. We are too.

I haven’t even gotten to the list strategy wherein we need to give suggestions to other members of the family. In the past, I’d make the mistake of giving out the choice bulls-eye gifts to other members of the family, much to my husband’s consternation.

Then we, the parents, would have another “date” breakfast to deal with more stress trying to figure out still more great gifts so our kids knew we loved and knew them the absolute best on Christmas morning.

Ok, maybe you’ve noticed that we haven’t even gotten past the kids at this point? True, true. We have not! Next up, what do we get parents and grandparents and cousins and siblings and….phew.

Merry Christmas? Not feeling it yet.

The past few years, I’ve come to the end of all this gift listing, strategizing, planning and just could not muster up the energy for my own list. What do I want? I have no idea…go figure it out. It probably has to do with clothes, kitchen gadgets, or travel.

Heck, just give me cash if you’re as worn out as I am and I’ll decide in March after I’ve recovered from the holidays.

So, the holidays are coming and you can pray for us. That’s the point of this blog post. We need prayer!