School begins in a couple weeks…maybe. Who knows in all this uncertainty? The one thing I’m told to accept in this season is change. So. Much. Change.
I cannot think of many things that are certain besides what we will have for dinner…if the grocery store has all the ingredients, of course.
As the pandemic continues my tolerance of change is wearing thin. I want to know things. I want to be sure of something. I want to be able to tell my kids a piece of information I’m certain will not change.
Right now, I want to do something normal. I want to buy school supplies. I want there to be a list and I want to buy everything new, neatly packaged and put it in a backpack because it feels normal.
But I don’t need all the things on the list. I don’t know if my kids will darken a school door in a historically “normal” way. But I don’t really care.
I want the order to calm the storm that is happening around us.
When I check the news or social media, it provides mostly grief. We are all trying to latch onto something certain like desperate people drowning at sea.
Maybe its a politician, a plan, an ideology, or conspiracy theory…but we want a life preserver.
And when we think it will save us, we latch on hard. So hard.
One phrase in my readings of the Bible comes to mind often when I feel so much want that I don’t know what to do with it. Where do I go with these impossible longings for a life that looks different than our current reality?
Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
God wasn’t just talking about food. He is talking about total reliance on Him to fulfill our needs, wants, and desires. In the context of this verse, God’s people are going to many, many other people for stability.
It’s worth noting who they were going to:
Spiritual leaders who promised peace when God was promising captivity.
Political leaders who promised power when God’s power was with other nations.
Foreign leaders who promised alliance when God said rely on Him.
Material objects that promised fulfillment when God said only He could fulfill.
And nothing has changed, has it? I still want to go to these things and claim a place of power, of agency over my circumstances. More than many other turbulent times in my life, this era is unique in its universalism.
The whole world is scrambling.
The whole world is longing for the same things. But will we go to the One who is truly capable of providing for us?
I don’t know. I hope so. I labor towards that end.
And I open my soul mouth wide, naming all my hungers, and I wait and trust that God will feed me.
Somehow. In some way. Because He promised He would.
I don’t know how He will do it, but I am eager to see.